Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize