I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize