i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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