Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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