so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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