I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
