I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
