You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
