At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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