And the cops told us we were all naked.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
