If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
