I just saw a hot homeless man
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
