i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
