you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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