Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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