You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
