Only a mothe r could love this liver
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
