kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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