So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
im six kinds of drunk right now
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize