Dual....:-)
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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