i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
