I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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