your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
