It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i just made my gag reflex go away.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
