U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
