I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
