Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
