It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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