Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Randomize
