I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
