So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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