So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I think my moral compass just broke
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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