Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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