Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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