Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
