You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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