I have demons in me.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
