So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
