Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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