Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
