No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
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He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
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So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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