i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
