I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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