Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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