quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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