Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
