the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
