I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
