just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
