You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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