"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I have fence marks all over my body
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
