oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
