Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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