so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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