So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
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I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
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he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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