i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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