Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She bit a glass in half.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
My penis needs a shock collar
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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