There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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