Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
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I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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