Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
