shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
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She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
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You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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