On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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