never play flip cup with pint glasses
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
