I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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