my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
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