Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Someone signed my nipple.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
