Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
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he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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