No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
