I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
