So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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