Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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