Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
