Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
