Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
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You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
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just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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