Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
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