Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
