Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
