I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
