Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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